How to Keep the Pastor You Love

Thanks to Paul for the heads up. Article available at BGCWorld Magazine.

Don?t be surprised if your pastor turns in his resignation. Even now he may be considering an interesting job offer from the business world at double his pay for half the hours. Lest you think he would never consider such a move, Dr. James Dobson confirms that 40 percent of the church?s leaders are thinking about bailing out.

There was a time when a pastor was a pastor for life. No more. Researcher George Barna reports that during the past two decades the average tenure of senior pastors has dropped to about four years. Although our pastors have been ministering to us in vital ways, it seems evident we have failed in our ministry to them.

Before we can engage in effective ministry to our pastors, we must understand some of their problems. Why are pastors so discouraged? What are their deepest concerns? Their needs? According to a survey conducted by the Fuller Institute of Church Growth, here are a few problems they face:
? 90 percent work more than 46 hours per week.
? 80 percent believe their ministry negatively affects their family.
? 70 percent have a lower self-esteem now than when they started.
? 40 percent have a serious conflict with a congregant at least once a month.
? 70 percent do not have someone they consider a close friend.

When we look at what we expect of pastors, we can add to the list. We place them on pedestals and want to be sure they never fall off. We expect them to be available to us at all times ? day and night; to preach sermons that deeply touch us ? every Sunday; to grow our church numerically, keep pace with the latest trends in church life, represent the church in the community and take care of the business of the church in a professional manner. In addition, we want them to grow spiritually, to be dedicated people of prayer and to demonstrate what it means to lead a strong Christian family. No wonder they?re frustrated. To find ways we can help our pastors, I solicited the help of pastors across the country ? leaders of large and small congregations. I asked them to explain their three greatest
needs and to name specific ways in which individuals in their congregation could minister to those needs. The needs fell into three categories: spiritual growth, family and relationships with believers.

ENCOURAGE HIS GROWTH IN CHRIST
Every pastor surveyed listed the need for spiritual growth. ?If I?m not growing in Christ, I will have nothing to give my people,? one wrote. ?I need to know the congregation values study time for me ? supports it.? Another suggested a pastor needs a month each year for study ? and not counted as vacation time. Several expressed hope that every five or seven years they would be granted a three- or four-month sabbatical leave for study, prayer and refreshment.

A pastor in Durham, N.C., wrote, ?Looking back after 25 years as a minister, I am convinced now more than ever that prayer is the central issue ? and deep prayer requires large chunks of time. The church must grant special time for the pastor to spend in prayer.? Since their days are long and demands for their time are continuous, daily time with the Lord easily can be neglected. One pastor wrote he tried to solve this problem by using an answering machine to take his calls for an hour each morning. ?But,? he said, ?I was criticized for not being available when a member in my congregation needed to talk.? We can help our pastors grow spiritually. They receive information on many excellent
conferences and seminars. Why not see that funds are available for them to attend a couple? And ask what you can do to help with their ministry while they?re away. How about mini-retreats? Our church has a retreat center nearby, where our pastor can get away at least once a month for a 24-hour retreat. Or perhaps a member of the congregation would like to make his or her home available. For many years we?ve opened our home to Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship staff and to pastors
when we are away. Almost always someone wants to come.

Another way to help your pastor?s growth is to provide books and tapes for study. Provide adequate budgeted funds for this purpose.

Very important: don?t forget to encourage the one who so often encourages you. One pastor said his spirit is often lifted by a man who asks him, ?What are you learning? How are you doing spiritually?? Then, ?He listens closely to what I have to say.?

HELP HIS FAMILY TO THRIVE
A pastors survey conducted by the Fuller Institute of Church Growth showed 85 percent of pastors spent two or fewer evenings per week at home with their family. And these hours are often interrupted by phone calls or people who ?drop by for a short chat.? Yet these special hours a pastor has with his family are vitally important to his well-being. One pastor wrote that finding adequate
time for his family was his number-one concern. He felt the church family should recognize this need, respect it and encourage it.

How can we do this? First, pastors appreciate lay people who give attention to the pastor?s children. We can include their kids with ours on trips to the zoo, a weekend vacation or an evening of cooking burgers and playing games. This also allows the pastor and his wife some special time together. One pastor in Pasadena, Calif., still remembers an elderly couple who served as adopted grandparents to his children during the early years he pastored. ?They spent quality time with them, loved them,? he wrote. ?They became Grandma and Grandpa. They never forgot their birthdays and helped with special celebrations. Their thoughtfulness was a wonderful gift to us and our kids.?

Second, we can make recreational facilities available to the pastor and his family. One pastor wrote: ?I was canoeing on a lake and had stopped at the camp of a family in our church. It was a holiday. They invited us to stay with them in their cabin and to enjoy a cookout, boating and
great family fun. I could not personally have afforded this.?

How about remembering your pastor?s anniversary with a gift of a special vacation? But make sure you check all the details before presenting the package. We can relieve much of the pressure our pastors feel when they struggle to find time to give their families the care and attention they deserve. It requires a bit of thoughtfulness and willingness to give a little of our time.

MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Pastors are deeply concerned about relationships with believers in their congregations. Few have close friends. Yet there are times when pastors need a listening ear, someone they can trust with a confidence. One pastor recalled a time when he described some of his deep frustration

Some practical ideas for encouraging the one who encourages you. and weariness to a layman. ?I wanted to quit the ministry,? he said, ?or move on to another church. [The congregation?s] lack of vision and lack of willingness to change had worn me out. This layman encouraged me to stay with the church and talked about ways he could help me. As I look back, this was a critical moment in my ministry.? One man recalled that his pastor and the pastor?s wife were members of their Thursday night TLC group. ?The group was only 10 people,? he said, ?but we were close. We knew we could trust each other with our problems and could depend on each other to pray for us all during the week. The pastor often expressed to us how much being part of the group meant to him.? This is one important way we can establish meaningful, helpful relationships with our pastors. Another way we can help is to avoid harmful criticism. ?Lower your expectations,? a pastor wrote. ?We are imperfect people too. We can?t please everybody, though we want so much to please. Laypersons must understand they are the ministers and pastors are the administers. Love us. We just need to know we are loved.?

Another pastor told how he was hurt when he was unable to be the business manager the congregation expected him to be. ?I fear that most churches hire a pastor to be CEO of an ecclesiastical business. We need to find ways to run the administrative machinery of the church while freeing the pastor for prayer, pastoring and preaching.? Great idea. There are many ways we can comfort and encourage our pastors. Sending cards and short notes telling them specifically how we have benefited from their messages is one way. They appreciate our concern when we occasionally ask if they have all they need to do their job: finances, staff, equipment, resources. And they are especially grateful when we offer to help meet those needs.

Let?s remember that although our pastors are our shepherds, they are also sheep who need to be fed and lovingly cared for. And the Lord can use us in this process.

CHIP RICKS IS A FREELANCE WRITER LIVING IN LOMPOC, CALIF.