KMYoung.com

Written August/September 2005

THE BEGINNINGS of MY PERSONAL JOURNEY
Online Communities. Forums. Chat Rooms. We were once told that the internet was the final frontier of community. We were once led to believe that social interaction was destined to occur more and more in bits & bytes and less and less through face-to-face communication. We’ve been told again and again to plug in to online community or become left behind in the rat race. As you well know, I believe we are often less of a theocracy and more of technopoly, even in our churches. Several years ago I became an active participant in one of these online forums. One concerning Church techonology, to be exact. In the christian media realm, where I cut my teeth in online communities, the lure of contact with so many other like-minded individuals was great indeed. The thought of sharing problems with other media people across the nation, and even the world, impressed me from the start. I could learn, brainstorm, network, and even vent when necessary. Never before had I experienced such bliss and open-ended possibility. After joining this particular community I received a note of welcome from one of the board moderators who just happened to live in Dallas where I was doing time at a local megachurch. He did not remember me, but I had actually met him a year earlier in a consulting situation. I was impressed that the forum had such top-drawer talent and knowledge in its leadership. We struck up an instant friendship that remains to this day. He was my first friend in the community and we remained close through thick and thin in my own life and up-and-downs in the community. Almost from the get-go I was embroiled in controversy in the community. Those who know me well will not be surprised by that fact. While I never seek out trouble and always go to great lengths to avoid it (really, I do!), I have the unfortunate ‘problem’ of not being able to subvert my principles, beliefs, and convictions for very long. On matters of theology and integrity I am pretty much a caged animal. Anyway…. The community leader did not like us to discuss theology on the board. It made him tense. I was baffled as to how any christian could get together in a group of other Christians and not discuss theology at some point…. but I quickly relented for the sake of unity, and doing so was the right choice. This particular board was reserved solely for discussion of technology rather than theology, and never (or at least, rarely) the twain shall meet. I understand the reasons why that rule was in place, even if I didn’t completely agree. Eventually it became obvious to me that it was a lost cause. It is difficult, at best, to discuss technology apart from application. And application is critically reliant upon practical theology. In my opinion, technology without theology has no soul, no reason for existence or use. But I swallowed my tongue and submitted…. an act I would learn well (and repeat often) throughout my stay. For a long season the world was great. I was appreciated in the forum, often when I was not appreciated in my own job. My opinion was respected, though often it was because of my education, ordination, and position in a megachurch. Though to be fair, on the other hand, I was also sometimes disrespected and ignored due to my education, ordination, and position in a megachurch. Mostly, it was as simple as this: People loved me when I said what they wanted hear and loathed me when I said something they really didn’t care to hear. In that way, online communities are a lot like real life… except in online communities people’s most base and dislikable personality quirks tend to surface. … I noticed very early on that online communities are nothing like any model of community we’ve ever seen before. They bring out the best in us… and all too often the worst in us …

PARADISE LOST
I am convinced that no one initially joins an online community with impure motives. No. Their motives for joining are almost always pure. At least in my experience that was the case. Maybe some hoped to learn more about their chosen career field. Maybe others intended to use their knowledge to help others. It might be that some were searching for answers or ideas. And even a few might have just needed a shoulder to cry on… People who joined the forums I’ve been a part of might have done so hoping for community, shared understanding, and a place to unplug from the drudgery of their own lives and problems… but rarely did they expect to actually find it. Most people lurked for a long time before ever opening their proverbial mouth and posting something. What they found when they finally got involved in the community was an experience not unlike Utopia. They’d found a place where everyone understood their problems… everyone listened to their opinions… and in this online commune of like-minded individuals they found security, healing, and a group of people that respected them (no matter who they were or what mistakes they’d made in real life). I remember feeling this way for a long time and I saw it replicated over and over again in others who came along after me. You weren’t just signing up for information, you were signing on for friendships, mentoring, and group therapy. For those of us who participated, the online experience became an oasis in the desert of our less-than-perfect offline lives. But it was something of a mirage. There was no perfection here and we were relying on the community to complete us in ways it could not and would never be able to accomplish. Yet most people never recognized that they were using the community in this way. By the time most people realized that this was not Utopia it was too late. They’d done the drug for too long and the power of the addiction to the online community experience was too powerful to mitigate. They’d been a part of it too long, gone too deep, and given too much of themselves too it. There was no unplugging from this matrix, to do so would have been painful in the worst of ways… psychologically and emotionally. We needed the community that the online forums offered us. In many ways, the online experience was more real than the lives of the members. It was a refuge. I know you think I’m nuts. But I’ve seen this play out many times over the years…. Weary, beaten down, defeated and in need of encouragement they would come. They would come and find soft hearts, listening ears, and people ready to help. If this had been the extent of it, there would probably have never been any problems. But in online worlds we eventually become things we are not. Or more frightening, we become things that we truly are. … And once you are hooked, Utopia must be maintained at all costs …

IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA
Utopia. For a long time I really believed that online communities might be preferable to real community. When asked to be a moderator at one of these forums I jumped at the chance. It was a great feeling to serve at a higher level and give something back, but it was also a bit of a power trip (anyone who tells you differently is either a liar or a saint). Life online was grand for a long time… but soon I was introduced to the darker side of leadership. My friend, whom I mentioned earlier, ‘got cross ways’ with the forum leadership. Honestly, I can’t remember all of the details and frankly don’t care to try and remember them. It is enough to say that it was a very difficult experience. I am not here to place blame and at this point it doesn’t really matter anyway. It’s old news. What does matter is how I handled it and how he was handled. I wish I could say that I was not ashamed of my actions and my part in the ordeal. But I am not sure that I really stood up for my friend like I should have. I’m not sure that I acted in a completely honorable way in the situation. I could have done better… should have done more. To most of the membership he simply slipped away into silence never to be seen or heard from again. At the time I thought that was probably a good idea under the circumstances. Save the community from further damage and put it all behind us, I reasoned. Being more mature, and hopefully a bit wiser now, I question that philosophy. I promised myself that if I were ever in that situation again, I’d handle it differently. I’d do better. I would try to worry more about the person involved then I would my own fear that Utopia might be lost. Hard as we tried though, the forum was never really the same after that experience. I am reminded of a recent book-turned-movie titled the “The Beach.” In it a 20-Something traveler named Richard leaves behind civilization as we know it for the lure of a hidden Utopia residing somewhere on a secret and greatly secluded island in Thailand. He finds the island and for a time everything is perfect. No rules. No rulers. Only endless beauty, community, and understanding. Yet beneath the surface, this heaven on earth is less than perfect. Personal conflict and petty jealousy ferment to create a violent rivalry, and a series of tragic events fragments the community. Increasingly isolated and disturbed, Richard finds himself more than witness to an incident of blood-shed. The dream has become a nightmare; paradise has turned to hell. Now his only goal is to leave. But escape will not be easy, for the beach is a secret place, a place that some will defend to the death. [quote]. Let me speak about ministries in general for a moment…. Oh to God that we would be more honest with our people! I truly believe that so many of the problems that arise in our ministry situations (churches, organizations, groups, and yes, online communities) arise from the practice of hiding truth from our members in order to make things seem a bit more Utopian than they really are. Think about it! It’s an evil that we humans have been practicing since the Garden of Eden. As soon as Adam and Eve fell from grace they hid. God came walking through the garden in the cool of the day, as He did every day, and his greatest creation (man) was nowhere to be found. They were, in fact, hiding. Their guilt and shame-riddled conscience tricking them into believing that the act of hiding our own sin is preferable to be open about it. It is in the hiding of sin that the Evil One wins his greatest victories. Pastors, Elders, Leaders: Be more honest with your people about the hard times. Open up and tell your congregation about the sin that lurks even within the walls of the church. I think this is a primary reason we rarely see church discipline acted out in the manner outlined by the New Testament. We are afraid to reveal that the Church has problems, that’s its people have problems, and that sin stains each of our souls. Hiding the problems seems like the smart thing to do. Trust me, I’ve done it more than once. But in so doing we elevate our own unbiblical principles above the people we claim to minister to and in so doing subvert the person in the most ungodly of ways. If allowed to remain, the status quo begins to become more important than the people to whom we minister. Maintaining the illusion of perfection, or Utopia, becomes critical to keeping the peace and hiding the rot. Remember what I’ve said, community can become a drug that we use to replace true relationships with God and others. When we look to it as a place of retreat, respite, and renewal apart from God, we end up abusing it. That’s pretty much what I saw happen on the forums. A disease slowly crept in to the hearts of those closest to the situation and it began to permeate the forum in the weirdest ways. Sadly, I believe that many Pastors and churches suffer from the same evil rot that this type of dishonesty creates within the context of community. … What a shame when principle becomes more important than people …

GROUPTHINK
Dr. Irving L. Janis passed away 15 years ago but made startlingly true observations about community long before the online communities ever became widely popular. A research psychologist at Yale University, he was most famous for his theory detailing the systematic errors made by groups when make ‘collective decisions.’ Dr. Janis coined the term “groupthink” in describing the process by which a group can make bad or irrational decisions. In a groupthink situation, each member of the group attempts to conform his (or her) opinions to what they believe to be the consensus of the group… however, this results in a situation in which the group ultimately agrees upon the action which many members might consider to be unwise. If I had a nickel for every time I saw, or participated, in such a situation I’d be a very wealthy man. Janis believed that when a strongly cohesive in-group of people got together, their drive for unanimity would end up overriding their ability to realistically appraise alternative courses of action. Janis cited a number of antecedent conditions that would be likely to encourage groupthink. These include: * Insulation of the group * High group cohesiveness * Directive leadership * Lack of norms requiring methodical procedures * Homogeneity of members’ social background and ideology * High stress from external threats with low hope of a better solution than the one offered by the leader Janis also listed eight symptoms that he said were indicative of groupthink: 1. Illusion of invulnerability 2. Unquestioned belief in the inherent morality of the group 3. Collective rationalization of group’s decisions 4. Shared stereotypes of outgroup, particularly opponents 5. Self-censorship; members withhold criticisms 6. Illusion of unanimity thereby creating false consensus 7. Direct pressure on dissenters to conform 8. Self-appointed “mindguards” protect the group from negative information Does this list of symptoms sound like any Online Community, Church Staff / Board / Committee, or Organization that you know? (Please don’t answer, I don’t want a bunch of Pastors and leaders hating me :) ) But yeah, I figured it would. I thought of several too. I am convinced that many of these crop up when we have leaders that are more interested in stroking their self esteem than being a true leader. I have never known an effective leader that shrank from conflict or backed down in order to be non-divisive. None of the Prophets in the Old Testament ever would have fit into that mold. But in order to be more of a leader, many people without leadership skill surround themselves with ‘yes men’, people who will bend their opinion toward that of a dictatorial leader in order to maintain group cohesiveness. This ultimately results in groupthink. How many of you are currently on boards, committees, or teams that are a groupthink? I submit that it is time to operate out of the excess of our giftings rather than our egos. I submit that it is time to regard group cohesion a bit less and godliness a bit more. I submit to our leaders in Christendom that it is time to stop listening for what we want to hear and begin hearing those things to which we never listen. Leaders: Uninsulate your groups, value cohesion a bit less, stop being so dictatorial, establish clear procedures, find people other than middle-aged white men, stop being scared of failure… and if all else fails… step away. Group Members: Speak up, for God’s sake The rest of us: Pray for those that have rule over us, and stop contributing to the problem by valuing peace over righteousness.

WILLIAM GOLDING COULD NOT HAVE KNOWN
Sadly, the madness does not end with the ‘groupthink’. That’s simply the beginning. A groupthink that is either not recognized in its early stages or is encouraged by the proletariat will eventually become lethal to the fabric of the community. I’ve seen it time and again. Occasionally I am afforded the opportunity to visit those communities I’ve left, or in some cases receive information concerning them… and sadly the news is almost always the same: Things are worse, things are not as they once were, problems are snowballing. Much of this can be written off as pessimism, but not all of it is so easily ignored. In my experience, online communities always seem to be sliding down a slippery slope. In all of the communities I’ve known, there has not been one that I recall becoming more civilized, more inclusive, or healthier over its span of existence. Stereotypically speaking… they always seem to be moving down a path toward greater exclusivity, anarchy, and inner rot. In fact, I am convinced that there is a very legitimate reason that online communities, over time, tend to move toward self-destructive behavior rather than away from it… To a point, online communities are a microcosm of real human social dynamics. Being human, we act and react online in ways that you might expect… our online personalities many times mirror our offline ones. But online, we also tend to show those sides of ourselves that we’re not able to show in the offline world. We’ve all met people who were Dr. Jekyll in real life and Mr. Hyde online. Can’t rule in your church?… do it in an online community! Not getting respect at home?… find it in a forum! Feeling worthless?… let online buddies convince you that you’re smart, beautiful, and well-liked. In so doing we end up becoming two different people. Our online persona takes on its own personality (i.e. a life of its own). Oddly enough, having an alter ego appeals to our human nature. And, horror of all horrors, the actions of our online selves begin to leak over into our offline world. We begin to become our online personality. As Hyde takes more and more control over Jekyll, “All things therefore seemed to point to this: that I was slowly losing hold of my original and better self, and becoming slowly incorporated with my second and worse.” All efforts to help Jekyll end in failure as Hyde continues to take more control. Robert Louis Stevenson’s story was intended to be fiction… but in our online lives it becomes frighteningly true. It’s a tale of self-deceit, friendship, paranoia, addiction, and personality disorder. The story’s popularity plays on our fear of the uncontrollable — worse, our lack of self-control. What would it be like if we lost control of our morals and values? [quoted from] But we’re willing to take that chance… willing to hide our eyes to the fact that, when online, we end up becoming something that we’re not. William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies” describes in detail the horrific exploits of a band of young children who make a striking transition from civilized to barbaric. His work is a classic commentary on a very real problem: the effects of human depravity without the restraint of society. One of the most basic and obvious themes is that society holds everyone together, and without these conditions, our ideals, values, and the basics of right and wrong are lost. Without society’s rigid rules, anarchy and savagery can come to light. Online communities attempt to circumvent this inescapable problem by providing varying degrees of structure, rules, and regulations. But Golding is also showing that morals come directly from our surroundings, and if there is no civilization around us, we will lose these values. I submit that this is the crux of the issue with online communities. It is nearly (if not completely) impossible to maintain civilization in the online world. It is, at best, a darkly marred reflection of the real thing. Golding does not stop there though. See if these other secondary themes from “Lord of the Flies” do not sound familiar:
â?¢ People will abuse power when it’s not earned… Many of those in leadership in online communities do not deserve the position of authority.
â?¢ When given a chance, people often single out another to degrade to improve their own security… It amazes me how quickly friends turn to foes online. Being that forums are typically dominated by a small cast of characters, you’re very often likely to find unstable offline people trying to provide stable leadership online. These people build up their fanbase of members that are drawn to the strongest personality trait they posses. The fanbase will chime in supporting their hero at every opportunity, whether warranted or not. The herd mentality eventually permeates every facet of life in the community. As the forum becomes a tightly knit group of people the herd begins to act in ways that closely resemble their animal counterparts.
â?¢ You can only cover up inner savagery so long before it breaks out, given the right situation.
â?¢ It’s better to examine the consequences of a decision before you make it than to discover them afterward.
â?¢ The fear of the unknown can be a powerful force, which can turn you to either insight or hysteria… if you have any kind of real world instability you’ll never make it in an online community. You’ll believe that everyone is out to get you. [quoted from]

CUTTING THE UMBILICAL CORD
Throughout this series Iâ??ve spoken a lot about problems and principle in relation to online communities. Many have cheered, others have questioned, and some have disagreed. I appreciate all your opinions and insight but itâ??s time to begin moving toward some conclusion on the matter. Before I am able to draw conclusions, suggestions, and perspectives though, I must relate a bit more of my own story. Iâ??ve avoided speaking of my own end-of-the-road experienceâ?¦ until now… In Part Three I left you with the struggle that came about due to the removal of a strong leader figure from the community. The forum was never the same after that. But to be fair, online communities really change a lot throughout their existence. There are typically new people coming along all of the time, people leaving, and similar questions always being asked. The life of an active online community is always being renewed and rejuvenated. There is a cyclical nature where all things truly become new. But yet, there are also things that remain… moorings that are rarely if ever moved. A core of members/leaders is always in existence and rarely changes. Leadership structures may morph but typically, as with all communities, there is little new under the sun and once an online community has an identity it probably isnâ??t going to change much at itâ??s deepest levels no matter how much make-up and new clothing you put on it. I knew that I was headed for major decisions when I woke up one morning and realized there was life outside the online community and it was better than life within it. OK, life outside the online community wasn’t always better. In fact, it often just-plain sucked. But it was more real, more tangable, and a bit more biblical. I figured out that my participation in the community had in many ways sapped or degraded my relationships with those around me. For months I struggled with this conundrum and eventually began to realize why. Through a series of events that Iâ??d rather not get into, I began to voice some of my question and frustrations. I immediately saw people who had once been my friends begin to openly challenge and defame me when I spoke up about the direction and leadership of the community. Honestly, I expected that response but it didn’t keep it from smarting a bit when it happened. Iâ??d seen it happen to others. I knew what happened to people that pointed out the Emperor indeed had no clothes… that life in Utopia was far from utopian. This time, began to snowball when a new friend voiced a concern and tried to step away relatively quietly. The community found out and went into uproar. Actually, it was the groupthink portion of the community that uproared. No harm, no foul… until they made him out to be the bad guy. That was enough for me. Iâ??d suffered through one of these events; I didnâ??t wish to suffer through another, so I stood up and ‘walked’ to his side of the line in the sand and stood alongside him. I had no intentions of leaving or causing dissention. I really just wanted to vouch for his character and help support the issues on which I agreed with him. That was the beginning of my end. Here are the issues that I brought up as being difficult for me to swallow in the context of online community (when I voiced these I was a moderator in the community, that status did not last long): 1. Publicly blasting members who question leadership, or tying their hands so they are unable to speak, communicate, and post is wrong. 2. When someone asks tough questions or points out fault, we pat ourselves on the back and say how good we are and what good we’ve done, then discount their claim. In my friends case, we also demeaned his problem by assuming it could be easily fixed. 3. Community. Online communities are â??communityâ?? only in the loosest sense of the word. There are some who use forums as their sole/primary source of community and that is unbiblical. We cannot expect online communities to provide what only the Church and other believers in close geographic proximity can truly provide (accountability, relationships, doctrinal guidance, spiritual influence, etc.). 4. When people go, we must not take it as a crime against the Community. Forum members must not take it personally. 5. A spirit of negativity is unbiblical, but pointing out negatives or sin is NOT unbiblical. 6. There is a danger of making issues too black and white, too right and wrong. We should not remove all of the gray area in life, especially as it relates to those we disagree with. 7. Why in the world would I ever trust a community that enticed me to spill my deepest problems and feelings, then publicaly ostracized me and discounted my feelings, then deleted the proof that it ever happened and never spoke of me again!?! It happens all of the time, and that is not Biblical community. In the end, we wanted a reason for his leaving; we couldnâ??t understand why anyone would leave Utopia. I didnâ??t think he needed a reason to leave. I didn’t think he needed a reason to stay. We were not his church… we were not his pastor… and we should not have been his sole source of community. And then, all hell broke loose. The details are not important, and again, I donâ??t really care to share anyway. Itâ??s not helpful to this discussion. What I DO want to discuss is how difficult it was for me to see people draw lines in the discussion, and see many of my friends stand on the other side of that line. People who had prayed for meâ?¦ people who had financially supported meâ?¦ people who had consoled meâ?¦ people who had loved meâ?¦ But the drug in their arm was too powerful and they too were relying on the community in ways they should not had been. THAT is PRECISELY how I define the healthfulness of a community of any kind. Do they handle those whom are difficult to handle with love, care, support, and encouragement? Do they take tough questions and help those people work through their concerns, or are they pushed away? Whether you are a church, a board, an organization, a community, or an online forumâ?¦ how do you deal with those people (whom have proven their character, love, and support) when they take an unpopular stand? Do you push them away or stand with them?? If your like most communities, or even like the people of the old testament, you push your prophets away and ignore their warnings. They’re crazy anyway! Right?! There is a precise way that Christian people, online or offline, should handle these things. Sadly, they rarely are handled in such ways. Not long afterthat, I was â??gaggedâ??. That means I was unable to post, edit, or basically communicate at all in the forum. In a process Iâ??d seen before, I was slowly being forced to submit, shut-up, or leave. So, not wanting to cause more problems within an already fractured community, I stepped away as quietly as I could. And with as much courage as I could muster I penned a goodbye letter that I hoped everyone would be allowed to read, but knew they never would. Iâ??ll let my words speak for themselves:
_______________________________________________

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Iâ??ve been staring at this crossroad for quite some time now. Iâ??ve been holding off from making a decision about my future with [this community] for longer than I care to admit. At first, I ignored it. Then I avoided it. And now I am confronted with it. To remain indecisive any longer would put me in severe danger of operating out of Godâ??s will. In fact, Iâ??ve waited so long that Iâ??ve run the risk of waiting too long, but I will feel no guilt for persevering till the end and investing so much of myself along the way. I must choose a path. I must choose it today. Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, [This community] has been an undeniable force of God in my life over the past 2 years. Many of the highs were shared within this forum, as well as many of the lows. There were countless times and ways that the forum was there for me when I needed it, and I tried to be there for the forum when it needed me. It almost goes without saying, [this community] has been instrumental in shaping my ministry and the person I am today. I will always look back on my time here with fond memories of days gone by and relationships long endured. I only hope that my time here has been more of a blessing to others and their churches, for itâ??s been in many ways a blessing to me. In some respects, I have grown up hereâ?¦ and Iâ??ve had the pleasure of seeing others grow too. That is truly the only gratification I need in return for the investments that Iâ??ve made. But God has been growing meâ?¦ challenging meâ?¦ and convicting me. It is not that [this community] has become unuseful to me, but rather that I have become unuseful to it. Where there is no vision, the people perish. I believe that. But I also believe that sometimes, sadly, people perish at the expense of a vision. Count me among the casualties in that war. But I hold no grudge. For this reason (and others in my own life and ministry) I have been brought to a fork in the road. I must chose a path now or risk being held accountable for not acting on the convictions God has placed within me in regard to how His communities, the Church, and my life must operate. So my choice is between staying or stepping away gracefullyâ?¦. And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I have chosen to step away. As a former Moderator in this forum, a man of God wishing to maintain his integrity, and most importantly, an ordained Minister, I do not have the luxury of slinging mud for my beliefs or openly fighting battles that do not involve core doctrinal issues. I hold myself to a higher standard and recognize that a Higher Authority will one day judge me for how I act/react in these situations. I am much more fearful of the discipline He could invoke than any suffering that could ever be inflicted by others. There are no core doctrinal issues in danger here. There are, in my point of view, only those involving less important issues of pride, truth, integrity, and spiritual accountability. By staying, I would (at least in my own mind) be condoning these issues. Fortunately, I still see hope in the futureâ?¦ and I hold out hope for the futureâ?¦ but I do not wish to be a part of that process. God has set me on a path, and the direction of that path diverges away from [this community] today. And as difficult as it might be for my spirit to accept, it is a realization that I believe God has made abundantly clear through many instances both recent and not-so-recent. Itâ??s a door Heâ??s prepared me for closing, a path Heâ??s prepared me to take. I will long remember the days that have here been spent. And as way leads on to way and I walk in the path set for me by God, I will remember the good times with a broad smile and Iâ??ll remember the less than perfect moments with the chagrin that comes from knowing that there was a lesson learned. And as Frost so aptly put: I doubt if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and Iâ?? I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. I resign myself to the realization that some will not understandâ?¦ some will disagreeâ?¦ and some might risk following. I cannot in good conscience worry about such factors, nor do I wish any to follow. Today, I take the road less traveled. I regret that for many people this may be the last they hear from olâ?? Kevin Young.. My words must now stand alone. May my time here have been one of both instruction and encouragement to you and the forum. I do hold out some hope that all of our paths will continue to cross further down the road, but that is up to God and His direction for our lives and ministries. To everyone, thanks for allowing me to step aside and walk down the road less traveledâ?¦ and I hope you will one day see that it has made all the difference. Kev

THE END OF THE MATTER
My long-time blog friend Cindy Swanson commented on this series of posts by saying, “Wow, Kevin. I’ ve never seen such an in-depth look at online Christian communities. I was part of such a forum for two years, and ultimately I had to walk away from it as well. The very community that had been such a source of fellowship, friendship and affirmation for me, ultimately proved to be negative for me in the extreme. Don’t get me wrong–I made friends there that I believe will last eternally. But I also came to realize that much of the world created by the forum was, in fact, shallow and artificial. I was addicted to the forum, for sure, and it caused me to neglect real life and real-life relationships. Truly, I’m better off without it. Anyway, thanks for examining this phenomenon, so ably and with such insight.” And I think that’s the point that I have been trying to get to here. Obviously there is much good to be said about online communities, forums, and the like. But there is also a great number of things to be wary of, potholes to avoid, and people to stay away from. Here are some of the conclusions that I am just starting to formulate:
1. Online Communities are not Utopia. They are not perfect places and their membership is no different then the people you come in contact with every day… there are a few people who are geniune, there are some that are power-hungry, and there are many that are simply followers. Basically, all types of people hang out there, both good and bad… in ALL communities. Don’t be surprised.
2. Online Communities are not a replacement for real community. Period. Some people use them for this unknowingly and others do so purposefully. Either way, it’s a slippery slope and if you’re not careful you’ll wake up one day and find that the online world seems more real and inviting to you than the offline one.
3. Be wary of the leadership of the forums you frequent. Check their credentials and watch their words. Check out their history and figure out their motivation behind starting the community and continuing it. Do they hold themselves to a higher standard than those they lead? Are they more concerned with the community than their own egos?
4. Dig up dirt. Every community has it, whether it be an online or real-life community. Find the potholes and struggles, then figure out if it is something you are ready to sign on for. Any community that hides its problems is no community you should be a part of. We are human and in our humanness we find Christ and true Christian community.
5. Watch for piety. If there is an holier-than-thou attitude, you whould run away… you’re not holy enough either.
6. How does the community and it’s members treat those with whom they disagree? If it is not a Doctrinal Issue, are they open to other opinions and willing to discuss their stance without slinging mud at the opposition?
7. How does the community handle criticism? … with stride, class, or return-fire?
8. Does it or the people wound your soul? Is it detrimental to your faith? Is there open dialogue about spiritual issues and Biblical stances and standards?
9. Does it inhibit your ability to interact in the real-world? Does it take you away from relationships with people in your real-life community, even though those relationship may be more difficult to cultivate and maintain?
10. When/if you leave, how are you treated? How were others treated when they left?

All in all, I think “Online Communities” is a bit of a misnomer. Though I have used that term a lot throughout these posts, I shudder a bit every time I type it or say it. I am much more comfortable with the term “forum” or something else that does not use the word “community.” Granted, much of it has to do with my own experiences in online forums… but I am not necessarily against it for those reasons. I am wary of using the term ‘community’ for anything that does not include real-life, close proximity, Christian people in a real world environment. There is more to ‘community’ than simply hanging out with like-minded individuals… community is about accepting those that are unlike us, discipling others, working through problems, holding others accountable, and being there through thick and thin in all of life’s turmoils and successes. Will I join other online forums in the future? … maybe. Though you may be assures that I will never participate to the level I once did. In fact, I really have no desire to ever be a part of one again, but who knows?! I’ve found community around me. And I’ve realized that though it’s a bit messier sometimes, it’s so much more preferrable in the long run. I still have a lot of friends from my ‘online community’ days. But oddly enough, most of them are the ones that still respected me, and hung with me when I left. To those who kept the communication lines open when I left… those are the people that understand what true community is. The others, sadly, are simply too caught up in their own dreams and hopes for Utopia, I am afraid. How sad. But it is understandable how that could happen in the online world, because they never have to see or hear from me again. Out of sight, out of mind! But to the people who made an effort to maintain contact with me… to those that lifted me up after leaving ‘community’… THOSE are the people I want in my community… the people who love you in thick as well as thin… and love you more than their own misguided desire for an Utopian escape in the world we call cyberspace.